Panthera Lavandula

Ninjas: The Fashion Functionally Retarded of The RLSH

2011-04-30T18:31:00.006-04:00

I loooooove doing pieces on RLSH with GOOD fashion sense as it is something that gives me hope for the rest of the lil capeys, but then there are the OTHER side of their community, a group that has some of the laziest ideas for costuming... I speak of course of that ninjas of the RLSH. Why are there so damn many of them? Why is this tread so popular? Why can't these idiots learn to dress themselves? These are all questions we may never have the answers to, but until then allow us to speculate by taking a tour of the many and similar-looking shinobi of the RLSH:

Hoodie Ninjas: A LOT of these running around.
(I picked this one because he looks like a Ninja Turtle dressed up as an Airbender fanboy)

Snake Eyes Ninjas
(or 'Guys That Wear Sunglasses Indoors')

Sports Gear Ninjas
(lol, he photoshopped out his parents' livingroom)

Subzero Ninjas
(still looking for Scorpion)

Leather Daddy Ninjas
(he's gonna spank you with that book)

Hat Ninjas
(aka 'Ninja Jones')

Less-Than Stealthy Ninjas
(Ninja XL)

Eyeliner Ninjas
(the liner-pen is mightier than the sword)

And of course, The Ninjaneck
(the only ninja on the list wearing actual camouflage)

LOL, they suck at wearing clothes.
-LL <3

Happy Gay Messiah Day!

2011-04-24T03:09:00.002-04:00

It's a fact. ^_^
-LL <3

The Best Samaritan

2011-04-22T17:14:00.004-04:00

So in my previous blog I did a fun little piece of RLSH fashion tips, which I will naturally continue as there are such juicy topics such as 'Black Vs. Bright' and 'Ninjas: Why Are There So Damn Many?', but for now I would like to direct everyone's attention to my current obsession: GOOD SAMARITAN

An LA RLSH, Goodie enjoys charity work and patrolling with the Pacific Protectorate, but with that adorable angel face of his he could be a dirty little street sweeper for all I care! From Tea Krulos' blog,

"Good Samaritan recently "came out of the phone booth"(as one RLSH put it), revealing his dual identity to his Facebook friends. A bold move to make, but also a confident one."

...Which is how I found this skinny little cutie's Facebook as of recently. Now, even though Goodie revealed himself on his own sexy personal terms, I'm going to stick to the villainess terms of service and will not be using his real name on this page. However, I WILL be posting pics of his darling self in all his gorgeous glory!

You will be mine, sweetie Goodie. Just you wait, baby. ^_~

-LL <3

RLSH Fashion Do's and Don'ts

2011-04-21T15:58:00.006-04:00

If there is one thing I have noticed about the Real Life Super Hero community it's that some of their members don't have the basic ability to go on patrol without looking like walking fashion faux pas. Well never fear my little caped cuties, mama Lav is here to show you the fabulous light and maybe even get you on the right path to help turn your patrol route into a street-sized runway! Let's begin with some RLSH fashion DO's and DON'TS:

DO wear outfits that compliment your body.

DON'T flaunt it if you ain't got it.

DO try to work your RLSH persona into everyday fashion.

But if people have no idea what they're looking at, DON'T. (Especially if it kinda looks like a swastika)

DO try simple outfits.

...But DON'T make yourself look like a simpleton.

DO try something fun with your hair.

DON'T if you haven't gotten a second opinion.

If you know look good, DO it.

DON'T. Just... DON'T.

You're welcome. If you know an RLSH featured on this blog, be sure to tell them. I'm not doing this for my sexy lil health, ya'know!

-LL <3

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!

2011-04-20T16:24:00.003-04:00

I've been gone for a few months at best and when I come back what do I find, but some bitch named "LL" talking shit on my villain cuties. Ummm, excuse me bitch, but if you didn't know I'M THE ONLY LL THIS COMMUNITY NEEDS!! Step off grrl, cuz this kitty's got some serious fuckin claws that he ain't afraid to use, okrr.

-The REAL Motherfuckin
L.L. <3

Superfashion Done RIGHT

2011-01-16T04:23:00.008-05:00

Even though it is my stated mission to put a glittered boot in the RLSH's collective tight asses when they make a fashion faux-pa, I still feel it important ever once in a while to build up instead of just constantly tear down. With that in mind, I would like to bring to your attention an absolutely adorable RLSH couple, a pair known as 'The Purple Lotus' and 'The Green Lizard'. Already I love these two, proving they can mix and match colors properly without needlessly butchering the art. Purple sports my personal fave color in everything he wears, but in a tasteful way that can almost be called 'conservative-liberal' (no political jokes or I'll smack you so fast your weave'll catch flame), wearing outfits that give him the look of man that means business while still making it apparent that he's a superhero with something going on in his very skillful fashion sense.

Sometimes it's business-professional

Sometimes it's casual

But it's always respective and cool looking. Also, I love a man that knows how to wear his make-up.

The second half of this fabu-twosome is Purp's ladyfriend, 'The Green Lizard', whom just like her name suggests is a chameleon of every spectrum of fashion and style. I can't even begin to describe her costume because it almost seems like she doesn't have an established look and that is actually a GREAT thing seeing as it can keeps'em guessing, keepin bitches on their toes with her fierce mixing and matching skillz. But why should I do all the talking when I can let her pictures do all the justice needed to prove that this gurrrl has a superpower all of her own: BEING FABULOUS 24/7

FIERCE!

CUTE!

CRAZY!

EPIC!!

And of course like all great superheroes, ICONIC!

I can't honestly find anyone in the entire RLSH community that bangs out as many stunning and fabulous outfits as Green Liz, and I honestly have to applaud homegirl for having such an awesome closet full of such killer klothes. You know how to make a villain jealous!

I cannot even begin to say how wonderful it has been doing this piece as it gives me the opportunity to show the cape wearing walking-fashion-crimes of the RLSH how what you SHOULD do in considering what to wear out on your numerous outgoings of charity and various vigilante ventures, but alas I feel these two are indeed a rare breed amongst their masked siblings in the real life superhero scene. Purple Lotus and Green Lizard, you two are by far the best dressed of your community and for that I congratulate you. Now get out there and show these bitches hows its done!

VOGUE

L.L.<3

Master Legend Being A Hateful Bigot

2010-07-15T15:03:00.007-04:00

So I've been gone for a long while and lookie what I find when I come back: A bunch of super (or special, if you ask me) "heroes" supporting and defending the extremely homophobic views of an ugly, unfashionable man-child by the name of Master Legend. What kind of views? Well, I did a little peeking around the RLSH forums and found this little nugget...

"can you not see the sickness that leads to death.this is just horrible.you want to praise disgust and evil and call it freedom? whats next, child molester pride day? hey it's freedom so that gives me the freedom to say the truth.i don't feel sorry for them or praise this.i also have the freedom to destroy this evil."

Meow and Friends apparently supports and freely defends the "truth" that homosexuality is a "disgust[ing]...evil" that "[leads to] sick[ness] [to] death". They support and freely defend that the idea to have a parade for gays is at par with having a "child molester pride day". Finally, they support and freely defend the idea "to destroy this evil" that is to be gay.

This was all started because Ms. Meow wanted to have a "debate" on Master Legend. Instead of a debate, there was only praising and extremely hypocritical things said. Thing such as it's alright for Master Legend to believe himself to be a born-again (as in for he thinks he has died twice) avatar of "The Arch-Angel Metatron", but Danger Woman (a mentally retarded activist that does entertainment to spread awareness and raise charity for organizations that benefit the disabled) thinking she can talk to animals is outlandishly stupid and extremely childish. Zetaman was even nice enough to add that being gay isn't "the correct life-style" to have. I am so glad to know these people know whats good for me.

Ms. Meow, you claim that it is wrong to judge someone unless you have met them face to face and yet judging is all you did on this episode. You even threw your own "costumed activist" allies under the bus. In fact, judging is really all you people do. You can't possibly know everything about someone you've never taken the time to get to know when you see them doing something you believe to be "law-breaking" and take action against them. We all judge, such as after hearing the episode of this show I can say you're an overly opinionated bitch that loves to shit on anyone you can because you are filled with so much blinding hate all you can see is yourself and only your own personal views matter, no one elses. I have never done anything to you, but after hearing that you support a person like Master Legend in his hateful, bigoted views I can say with plenty of certainty that you are no better that he.

Finally, we come to darling Poop-Knife, who was threatened and insulted instantly after arriving on the show. He is the only different view on the episode. He patiently waits nearly forty-five minutes before getting only so much of a word in before he is interrupted, shouted down, ganged up on, belittled, insulted, and kicked off the show. They all make jokes at his benifit, acting like school-yard bullies, and then giving each other pats on the back for beating the 'big bad villain'. You people make me absolutely sick and you have most certainly made an enemy of me.

I would like to apologize to my subscribers that I couldn't be the funny, witty L.L. I have been on previous posts, but I can't even begin to say how upset hearing this show has made me.

CLICK HERE TO HEAR

-L.L.

Dat Ass

2010-06-04T16:31:00.004-04:00

Been a while since I've posted, but I could NOT resist the urge to after seeing Zimmer on TK's blog. As some of you may already know Zimmer is an openly gay RLSH and is SUCH a cutie. Allow me to sum up my feelings on his lil' costume, though...

-LL <3

Nyx: Guardian of Hot Topic

2010-05-04T16:29:00.006-04:00

If there is one thing that has become obvious to me it's that a larger amount of the RLSH shouldn't be allowed to dress themselves none the less go outdoors with the abortions they call their 'uniforms', which is a great term to use because Rubies Costumes has far more taste than these fashion dullards and they're biggest customers are under the age of ten. Never fear, my fashion-challenged darlings; Lav-Leo is here to give your poor souls guidance! Today's victim: Nyx.

Hailing from Corny, Kansas and currently residing in "Northern" New Jersey, Nyx bills herself as someone who "wants to help the helpless and protect the innocent. Uplift humanity though good acts. Prevent people from having difficult times and help people get through difficult times when she can’t. " Well isn't that sweet. It's too bad she has to make those same people suffer by looking at her horrid taste in 'uniforms'. What not to wear?

THIS.

The first time I saw this picture I had to slap myself because she wasn't close enough for me to smack the shit out of her for even thinking she or any living human could pull this look off. I know 'Jersey is well known for being the garbage dump of world, but a landfill still would have been a better place to shop than Hot Topic. Allow me to go fetch a hammer so I can break this atrocity down piece by horrid piece.

Fishnet top: Didn't these go OUT of style, like, twelve years ago? Seeing as the majority of the RLSH either retire or get SHOT you'd think she'd have the intelligence to wear something a bit more purposeful. Of course, you'd be wrong because displaying her pasty, possibly blood-constricted TITS is more important than buying some hobo-stab-insurance. Speaking of Nyx's best assets...

$15 Hot Topic brand bra: Jeeze, those things must be cutting the circulation off to get brain. If I'm not mistaken young ladies that walk around showing off their goods like this are often called SLUTS, and cheap ones at that. I guess she has to get Phantom Zero to take off his mask somehow.

Matching stripped arm-warmers and stockings: Okay, she was able to at least pick the same color and style which tells me she isn't completely RETARDED, however wearing stripped anything on both your arms and legs makes you look like a court-jester. So take the pantyhose off your hands, please.

Aluminum and fake-leather studded bracelets: Following the whole 'goth' thing I'm guessing, Nyx at some point thought it was a good idea to include some cheap-ass-next-to-the-check-out bracelets. These haven't looked good on anyone ever. E-V-E-R!

Poorly constructed Lip Service/Tripp laced corset: Correct me if I'm wrong (which I never am), but aren't corsets made to tighten the frame and make someone look LESS fat? Y'know, instead of being loosely worn with a buckle of fat poking out? I think it's time someone started eating Subway Fresh!

Lip Service/Tripp skirt with pointless studs and chains: Oooo, spooooky! Once again, aren't crime-fighters suppose wear things to match their environment? I guess it works if you're trying to blend in with HOOKERS, though.

Ghastly Heels: I don't even know where to start with these god-awful things. They look like a businessman's dress-shoes and his secretary's heels had an affair, gave birth to a cross-breed-shoe-child and then attempted to ABORT it. Why do they have laces? What purpose do these heels serve for fighting crime? Is someone just playing a sick joke on me by making this exist?

And finally, her mask: I'd wear one too if I dressed like that.

So the conclusion I've come to based on this poor, deluded girl's fashion IQ being a single digit is that she absolutely zero use in any form of crime-fighting unless it includes memorizing criminals with her ghostly white lumps and giving her 'patrol-partners' awkward boners. Sorry Nyx, you lost the game. Look on the bright-side, though; At least it can't get any worse.

Never mind.

-L.L. <3

Skiffy-What?

2010-05-01T22:46:00.004-04:00

Okay, so it's mooore than obvious by now that a lot of the RLSH out there suffer from serious cases of the fashionably-challenged kind and while I do plan on critiquing their gaudy styles and insistence on constantly clashing, I would first like to address the biggest fashion-fopaux-of-a-train-wreck I've seen yet: Skiffytown League of Heroes.

I did a small amount of investigating on their site (seeing as the spandexed-sillies tend to get all bitchy when you use info from an outside source) and after all that one question still persists: WHO THE FUCK IS SKIFFYTOWN? Seriously, I couldn't find anything on their site that gave me any kind of real deep information on the individual members. In fact, the only ones I really recognized in pictures are ex-members of Who Wants To Be A Superhero seasons. Sooo I decided to take it upon myself to see how close I could get to guessing these clothing-catastrophes names. For the betterment of girlyboykind I will be taking a hammer to these peoples inner-wardrobes of a few of these walking 'what-not-to-wears'. Until then, enjoy! (Click on it to enlarge, you fucking goof! :D)

-L.L. <3

Vanity Blossoms, but blooms only Evil

2010-04-28T06:37:00.000-04:00

Okay, so this is my first blog post and I guess my introduction into the fabu world of villainy. I really honestly don't have a whole lot to say at this exact time, other than the fact I was very surprised when I stumbled across this RLSH/RLSV business to find that there weren't more gay villains out there! What with so much opposition from homo-heroes like Peter Pixie and Laserskater, not to mention self-hating gay capes like Master Legend and Tothian (they are such a cute couple) it's really surprising that more evil hasn't been done on the queer-side. It should also be noted that "straight" men who enjoy wearing tight-fitting, colorful spandex as much as the RLSH do are obviously hiding something (but some things not as well). The closest seems to have a death-grip on these poor confused souls and I will make it my mission to get them to come out and be truthful to themselves!

Until then, I'm afraid that is all I have time for. More entries cumming soon!

-L.L. <3